Secrets of Yesterday
by meitantei-kun
Summary: Post Season 10 Episode 11: Forever People. Focuses on JJ but with the team. JJ and Emily Friendship. The secret that one person holds doesn't keep the others from caring about you. Nothing makes us lonely as our secrets.
1. Chapter 1: The Start of Something

**Chapter 1: The Start of Something**

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 **Summary:** The secret that one person holds doesn't keep the others from caring about you. Nothing makes us lonely as our secrets.

 **Author's Note:** Hi everyone! This is my first story for Criminal Minds. This is set after Forever People (season 10 episode 11). In this story, Emily never left the BAU. Also, in this story, Emily (not Reid) was the person JJ told about her secrets in the episode Forever People. I hope you enjoy guys. I really like some reviews and some of your ideas for this story. I hope to update regularly to satisfy you guys taking some time to read my story.

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"The face is a mirror of the mind, and eyes without speaking confess the secrets of the heart"

– St. Jerome

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A phone vibrating disturbed his morning ritual as Aaron Hotchner pulled up his car in the parking lot at the FBI headquarters in Quantico, Virginia. He left early from his house to process additional files that were needed in today's briefing. He reached out to his pocket to read the message that was sent to him as he walked down the hallway of their building to his office. "Message from JJ?" he muttered as he opened the text message.

 _I need to take a leave. JJ_

He raised his eyebrows while staring at the message as he sat down his chair in the office. "That was unsual... She rarely takes a leave, especially if we have a case." He said to himself.

* * *

"Hey, Princess!" Morgan shouted as one of their team entered the office. "Hey, Morgan. Had a nice weekend?" Emily Prentiss replied.

"Of course! Never been better. What about you Prentiss, had a nice date?" Derek Morgan asked as their morning chat started. "Well yes, with Sergio." She replied.

"I bet you got your wallet stolen again with your moves like always." Emily added with a hint of amusement in her tone.

"Aw come on. With your cat? And the wallet, still here in my pocket." Morgan laughed while pointing out the wallet in his back pocket.

Emily was going to reply when she heard an authoritative voice behind her.

"Conference room in five"

She saw Hotch walking behind Morgan's table and entered the conference room near it. She looked at Morgan and just shrugged her shoulder as she followed Hotch in the room.

* * *

After five minutes, the round table was occupied one after another. After Hotch saw everyone, with Dr. Spencer Reid as the last one, he started on their debriefing for their next case. "New case here in Virginia, multiple robberies with..."

"Hey! Why are we starting? Where's JJ?" Reid asked, wondering where their blond friend was.

Hotch looked up to him and replied, "She's on le..."

"She's on leave." A new voice was heard as someone came in the conference room.

"Chief Cruz." Hotch acknowledged the new person who entered the room.

"Leave? JJ never uses her leaves." Reid replied.

"Just leave it Reid. Maybe she needs one right now." Emily answered Reid while staring at Mateo Cruz.

"Continue Agent Hotchner." Cruz said to Hotch while answering the stare with his eyes from Emily Prentiss.

"As I was saying, new case here in Virginia, multiple robberies in different establishments." He started, and then looked at the team's faces. He almost laughed at his teams' doubtful faces; it's true that they don't do normal cases like robberies. "Well, the police reports says it were robberies, but the unsub kills all his hostages in the establishments after playing games with them. And it was in broad daylight."

"Wouldn't anybody notice if one establishment was being robbed? And in broad daylight?" David Rossi asked after reading the case report.

"It seems like there was no commotion outside to warrant any disturbances in the neighbourhood. The security cameras of the places were also shut down during the attack." Hotch replied.

"It seems like the unsub is targeting establishments that is not popular to most people, like antique shops, to ensure that he is not disturbed when he commits the crime." Morgan added.

"Okay, let's go down the police station for additional reports. Wheels in thirty."

* * *

"What date is it today?" Emily asked as she stared outside the window in their SUV.

"Why do you ask? Is something wrong?" Morgan replied, taking a short glance at his partner before focusing down the road in front of them.

"...Nothing. Just asking." She replied after a pause.

"April 6. Are you sure nothing's wrong? You look a bit strange after Cruz entered the conference room earlier." Morgan answered back.

"Oh... April 6." She muttered. "Really. Nothing's wrong. It's just weird that Cruz joined us earlier in the conference room." She added.

"I'm not going to push you if you say nothing's wrong, but if there is, you know you can always talk to me, Princess." Morgan replied after parking their SUV to the parking lot of the police station.

* * *

They are the first ones in the station fully packed with policemen. A few seconds later, Hotch, Rossi, and Reid came in. The lead detective in their case welcomed them to the station.

"Morning everyone, thanks for coming here. We're happy to have help from the FBI. I'm Detective Lance Brown, just call me Lance. Do you need anything?" The detective welcomed them to the station.

"I'm SSA Hotchner from the BAU, the team behind me are SSA Morgan, Prentiss, Rossi, and Dr. Reid. We need an evidence board and a table to help us settle. We also need all the case files from the previous cases related to this one." Hotch replied as he introduced the team to the detective.

"No problem Agent Hotchner. We have a room prepared for you guys. The case files are also inside." Lance replied to Hotch.

As the team entered the conference room prepared by the detective, they immediately went and read the case files.

"From the three crime scenes, it really seems like our unsub likes to target small, unpopular establishments; an antique shop, a collector's bookstore, and a pawnshop." Reid spoke after reading the files.

"But why a pawnshop after the stores?" Morgan asked.

"Maybe a debt or something?" Rossi answered back to Morgan.

"And what about the victims? There were about 2-3 people inside, including the owner, when the attack happened." Hotch added to the discussion.

"The victims' were shot in different places in the bodies. We need to see the bodies and talk to the medical examiner for the complete details on them." Morgan added.

"Ok Reid, do the geographical profile on our unsub. Morgan and Rossi, go to the medical examiner. After that, go to the first crime scene. Prentiss, you're with me. We're going to the second crime scene." Hotch directed his team after the briefing.

The team started doing what Hotch said to them. Reid started circling the map of Virginia with things that an ordinary person cannot relate to. Morgan and Rossi went outside to their SUV to go to the medical examiner.

Emily and Hotchner started going to their SUV when Hotch asked her, "Are you ok? You're a bit quiet in there."

"Sorry Hotch. I'm just thinking about something." Emily answered him as they went closer to their SUV.

"Is this something, about JJ?" Hotch asked her as they buckled their seatbelts in the car. Emily's eyes widened a bit before composing herself, not wanting Hotch to see something odd in her behaviour.

He glanced a bit and saw her panicked for a second when he asked her the question. "How about with Cruz? I saw the both of you staring at each other this morning at the conference room." He added.

"Well, I'm just a bit worried about JJ since she's rarely absent. And even when she does take a leave, it's only because of Henry. And for your second question, no. Cruz has nothing to do with anything." Emily answered Hotch.

"Ok." He just replied, not wanting to push Emily if she didn't want to talk about anything now. But he will, later.

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Thank you guys for reading the first chapter of my story! I hope you take some time to review my story. Any ideas are welcome! :D


	2. Chapter 2: The Fight Inside

**Chapter 2: The Fight Inside**

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 **Summary** : The secret that one person holds doesn't keep the others from caring about you. Nothing makes us lonely as our secrets.

 **Author's Note:** Hi everyone! This is the second chapter for my story. I hope you guys enjoy! Again, in this story, Emily (not Reid) was the person JJ told about her secrets in the episode Forever People. I hope for more people to read my story. I also hope for more reviews! It just makes me so happy and driven to write the next chapter for this story.

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"And when at last you find someone to whom you feel you can pour out your soul, you stop in shock at the words you utter – they are so rusty, so ugly, so meaningless and feeble from being kept in the small cramped dark inside you so long."

-Sylvia Path, the Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Path

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Birds chirping are the first sounds that echoed through the beginning of the morning twilight. The gleam of the first rays of the sun glisten through the dew drops on the leaves that formed during the night. A fog was still covering some parts of the street in the quiet neighborhood in Virginia. It was a beautiful day.

A ring on a phone was the only sound that disturbed the sounds of nature inside a modest house in suburb Virginia. A pair of blue eyes opened very slowly, reacting to the beeping sound on the bedside table. She was just sitting on the bed, back on the headboard of the bed with legs beneath the blankets that cover her. She was unable to sleep these past few days, just surviving the night with eyes closed thinking of what could have been. It was good that nobody's home for the past week, as Will took Henry to visit his mother's place in New Orleans for a birthday visit.

The Jareau's are a very private family. From the mother, Sandy Jareau, who didn't even express her sadness over her husband's untimely death in front of the family; to the older sister, Rosaline Jareau, who killed herself without even hinting why. Jennifer Jareau lived with this kind of atmosphere, thinking that keeping things was right. Because of that, even the shock of finding her own sister inside a bathtub flowing with blood red water from the mangled wrists that her sister cut was forced to be kept inside her.

She was shocked to hear Henry, a few months ago, asking to visit his aunt in the "better place" that her mother told her son while she was answering a call from work. It was the first time since she remembered her mother even saying her sister's name from her own lips. They talked about it, and suddenly a small crack opened in the shell of the Jareau's.

Even when she first found out that she was pregnant, she kept it a secret, not only with the team, but also with the father, Will Lamontange Jr. It took a bit of a time to even call him about the baby, afraid of rejection and opening up to another person.

But even with the acceptance of Will, she was afraid of commitments. Having been proposed, she just couldn't open herself to another person. This just contradicts her way of life of owning and keeping to herself on the world.

When the bank robberies happened, a part of her shell went away after realising the importance of someone else that is in your life for a long time.

Another beep from her phone on the bedside table interrupted her again from her thoughts. Reaching out to the table, she got her phone noticing two messages, one from Will and another from Hotch. Reading the first message, it says: _"Hey Sunshine, good morning! Henry and I were just finishing our chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast. We have a long day ahead, touring Henry around the place. Anyway, have a good day! Love Will."_

A smile entered her face as she read the message from her husband. She was supposed to go with them to New Orleans, but on the day when they are supposed to leave, a case happened on Oregon, where five children were kidnapped and killed within 24 hours of kidnapping. The last thing she and Will did before leaving is arguing about it.

In that case, she bruised her ribs and sprained her wrists a little from wrestling the unsub as she was cornered in the final showdown with him. Coupled with a mild concussion, she was admitted in the hospital for a day. Later that night, she called her husband and apologized in their fight a day earlier.

She shook her head after reminiscing and called Will. After a few rings, she heard a voice that she wanted to hear, " _Hello?_ " a southern accented greeting came through the phone.

"Will? It's JJ. I just want to say good morning to you and to my little buddy." She replied.

" _JJ? Good morning! Henry's here beside me. Wait up; I'll give him the phone_." Will replied then carried Henry to his lap to give him the phone.

" _Mommy..? Good morning! I miss you_." Henry asked through the phone.

"Hi, Henry! Good morning to you too! I miss you too... How's the chocolate chip pancakes? I bet it tastes wonderful because your daddy made it." She answered her little buddy on the phone.

" _Yes mommy, its super good! Are you coming here, mommy_?" the little man asked her mother.

She was a bit surprised by Henry's question. She bit her lip a bit before replying to her son. "Sorry buddy, I can't come there. Don't worry though, I'll be here when you come home and I'll bake you and your daddy chocolate chip cupcakes when you come back okay?" She replied back. After a glum response, she heard her son give the phone back to Will.

" _Hey, he's not that disappointed. He just wishes that his mom was here. He'll come back around_." Will talked to JJ after Henry gave him back his phone.

"I know... I'm sorry again." JJ replied back.

" _Is something wrong?_ " Will asked her.

"Wha-, I mean, why do you ask?" JJ stumbled a bit before asking back.

" _Well, it's just that it's rare for you to call at this hour. You should be driving to work, or you're already at work at this time_." Will replied, a bit concerned about her.

"Well, I think this is one of those "rare" times. Anyway, take care, both of you. I love you guys. Tell that to Henry as well, okay?" She replied back. After sharing goodbyes with her husband, she hung up her phone.

She ran her hand through her face to her hair in frustration. She hadn't meant her call to be a disappointing one, especially for Henry. Shaking her head a bit, she looked at the clock beside her in the bedside table and saw the time, 8:00 am. Will was right; she should have been in work already by this time. But there was a reason why she's still at home. It was just convenient that nobody's home this time.

Looking back at her phone to look at the message from Hotch, she read the message: _New case. Meeting in thirty._

She sighed at the message. Another case? She was contemplating on what to reply to Hotch when another beep came through her phone. Deciding to read the new message first, she opened the message, surprised that this one came from Mateo Cruz, their Section Chief.

 _JJ, go take the leave you asked for. I'll talk to Hotch later._

Grateful for the message from Matt, she replied to Hotch:

 _I need to take a leave. JJ_

She just hoped that nobody will ask questions. She knew that the team respected their respective privacies.

She was relieved that Matt still have her back after all that happened to them more than a year ago. She was glad that with all those secrets she carried, there was this one person that carried it with her.

After a brief glimpse to a calendar beside her bedside clock, she removed the blankets covering her and got up from the bed.

"Okay, let's do this."

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Again, thanks for reading this story! I hope this isn't such a slow chapter for you guys... Any comments and suggestions are welcome. See you for the next chapter!


	3. Chapter 3: The Silhouette of the Man

**Chapter 3 – The silhouette of the man**

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 **Summary:** The secret that one person holds doesn't keep the others from caring about you. Nothing makes us lonely as our secrets.

 **Author's Note:** Hello everyone! Welcome to the third chapter of my story! I hope you didn't wait for too long for this one. Anyway, I live in the Philippines and I have never been to US, so I have no idea of some places or roads in Virginia, where this story is located. I hope that for those who know or live in this place, I won't offend you or anything regarding unknown roads, places, or establishments that I mentioned in this story. Thank you again for your time to read this story. Reviews are greatly appreciated!

Also, thank you for the reviewers of my story: J **areau37, rmpcmfan, Hippiechic81, elphiemolizbethbau, judithya88,** and to the other **Guest and Anonymous** reviewers!

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"Every time you read into something, you miss the soul, while searching for the motive."

-Shannon L. Alder

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A hum from an SUV was the sound that was heard by the Virginia medical examiner as she raised her glasses from the report that she was reading from her desk. She was expecting these visitors from the FBI from the moment Detective Lance told her that he asked for their assistance for this current case. She rose from her seat and went to the door. As she was reaching for the door knob, a knock reverberated from the other side of the door.

"Good morning, is the medical examiner inside?" a man asked from outside the door.

She opened the door and welcomed the visitors inside the room. "Good morning again, I'm SSA Derek Morgan, and this beside me is SSA David Rossi. We're from the Behavioural Analysis Unit of the FBI." They introduced themselves.

"Hi, I'm the medical examiner, Doctor Ellen Parker, call me Ellen. I've been expecting you. Come in, the bodies are in the next room." The medical examiner introduced herself.

"These poor souls, I guess you want to see the first victims from the antique shop? Wait a minute." She said to the agents.

Morgan and Rossi followed the medical examiner to the next room from the office. They first saw the bodies of the victims from the first crime scene. "These are the first two victims, the shopkeeper and the customer from the antique shop." Morgan said as he saw the two bodies on the table.

"Morgan, look at these gunshot wounds. From the position, it looks like these are non lethal type of wounds." Rossi added after looking closer at the bodies.

"That's right, agents. These victims died from blood loss from the gunshot wounds. And from the positions of the wounds, I believe they had an excruciating painful death. However, there is something different. There is a kill shot on the customers, but I don't think there is a difference. They are already on the verge of death when they were shot. They are no kill shots on the owner." Dr. Ellen added.

"Exsanguination. What about the other victims from the other crime scenes?" Rossi asked her, while still looking at the bodies.

"All the same, same MO, same cause of death; Non lethal gunshot wounds on the bodies, with a kill shot on the customers. They died from blood loss." The medical examiner told them.

"Is this just from one unsub? If so, he must be a very strong individual to subdue two to three persons at the same time. We might even consider multiple unsubs here." Morgan suggested to Rossi.

"That might be the case, but from these gunshot wounds, it seems like there was only one weapon." Rossi replied back.

"Yes sir. According to the ballistics report, the grooves found on the bullets from all the victims came from only one weapon, a Glock 19 with a silencer." Ellen answered to Rossi's question.

"A silencer, that maybe the case since nobody heard anything unusual from outside the stores. It must have muffled the gun a bit." Rossi added.

"I think we got what we wanted here Rossi. Let's go to the first crime scene to see the details of the crime." Morgan told Rossi.

Before they left the medical examiner, they thanked her and told her they would ask for additional details if they needed anything else.

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An uncomfortable silence accompanied the steady sound of the engine of the FBI commissioned SUV that Aaron Hotchner was driving. After his tried confrontation of Emily Prentiss earlier, the atmosphere became heavy. After a few more turns on the street, he saw the yellow cordons of the crime scene.

"We're here." Hotch announced as he parked their SUV near the bookstore where the second crime was committed.

"Emily?" Hotch looked at the person sitting at the passenger seat, seeing that his companion didn't respond when he parked the car. Trying again, he gently touched the shoulder of his companion to grab her attention.

Emily's shot up when she felt something touch her shoulders. "H-hotch? I'm sorry, are we here already?" she stuttered to him.

Hotch sighed at Emily, he bit his lip trying hard not to ask her again if something is wrong. Contemplating something on his mind, he just said to her, "We're here. Let's canvass the crime scene so we can meet up in the station to give our preliminary profile."

Thankful that Hotch didn't ask anything further, she composed herself and replied, "Let's go."

Walking towards the crime scene, Hotch and Emily raised their credentials to the police officer that was guarding the place. After looking at them, the officer raised the cordons to let them enter the premises.

"For a bookstore, this place seems really small." Emily stated as she walked through the crime scene. "The owner was positioned at that counter and was shot from behind." She added as she compared the crime scene photos in her hand to the evidence markers on the ground.

"It seems like the owner was getting something from the cabinet behind the counter, and that was the chance that the unsub took." Hotch added.

"How about the other victim? Emily asked. "She was browsing for books on the bookcases over there." Hotch answered as he pointed towards the bookcase.

"After the victims were shot for the first time, the unsub dragged them here. He must be strong enough to do this alone." Hotch followed the blood trail to an open space in the middle of the shop.

"And then, he shot them many times. More to the owner than the customer, maybe the owner was the true victim and the customer was just collateral damage." Emily deduced.

A ring from Hotch's phone echoed in the store, disturbing them from their analysis of the crime scene. He answered it, seeing Morgan's name on the screen. After updating each other on the case, they hanged up on each other.

"Emily, that was Morgan on the phone. They are finished with the medical examiner and are finishing on the first crime scene. According to the medical examiner, the owners died from blood loss from non lethal gunshot wounds while the other victims had a kill shot." Hotch said to Emily as they are also finishing up processing the second crime scene.

"Such a horrible way to die." She commented on the victims. "Hotch, I think we're done here. Let's meet with Morgan and Rossi on the third crime scene." Emily suggested to her partner.

As they are going back to their SUV, Emily's phone rang. When she saw who was calling, she asked Hotch to wait for a bit as she went to answer her phone privately. Meanwhile, Hotch went to the SUV to wait for Emily. Seeing that Emily was busy, he tried to call JJ on his phone since he was worried about her. After the incident from last year, he kept a close eye on her. He knew that even with her saying that she was fine, he realized that no one can easily be just fine after all of that. He tried calling her, but the phone on the other line was busy. Deciding to wait for another time to call, he started the car as he saw Emily was ending her call and was coming to the car.

* * *

After finishing with the third crime scene, Hotch, Emily, Rossi, and Morgan went back to the station to brainstorm with Reid to finish their preliminary profile on their unsub. Rossi went to another room to give a press conference to the media regarding the profile, while the others went to give their profile to the officers.

"Everyone, we're here to deliver our preliminary profile on our unsub." Hotch started their profile to the officers and detectives in the station.

"He is a male, age from thirties to early forties. Our unsub is a very strong individual, managing to subdue couple of people at the same time. He may be an athlete, or an army man." Morgan started to give details on the unsub.

"According to the geographical profile, the correlation of the attacks happened on between a two kilometre radius of route 161. The unsub must be on wheels to be able to be anonymous to people in the street." Reid added to Morgan.

"According to our technical analyst, two weeks ago, there was a commotion inside the third crime scene, the pawnshop, with a customer and the owner of the shop. There is a description from the security cameras in the shop from that incident. White male, medium build. From Agent Morgan's description, he is physically fit, he may be an athlete or an army man. But it is more likely for him from being in the army from his crew cut in the video feed." Hotch shared added information.

"Due to the discrepancy on the gunshot wounds on the victims, it is likely that he has a personal vendetta on the owners of the shops. The owners died from blood loss. Compared to this, there is a kill shot in the customers, as if an act of remorse, trying to ease the pain they are feeling from the gunshots the unsub gave them. If we are right on the army type of unsub, he might be very dangerous. Do not try to attempt to subdue him alone. He might be well versed in the act of torture as he knows where to shoot someone non-fatally, trying to get something from them." Emily said, adding to the profile of the unsub.

Hotch is about to finish the meeting when his phone rang. He answered it immediately after seeing the name of the caller, "Garcia? I'll put you on speaker."

"Sir, I've finished the facial recognition of our suspect. He is Lance Corporal Darren Winter, honourably discharged from Afghanistan two weeks ago. 37 years old." Garcia informed the team about their unsub.

"Garcia, location of his house." Hotch instructed her.

"GPS locations already sent." She replied.

"Get the SWAT team over there. Let's go guys." Hotch instructed the officers and his team as they scrambled to get to the unsub.

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Thanks again guys! I hope you enjoyed it! Any comments and suggestions are welcome! :)


	4. Chapter 4: Shadows of the Past

**Chapter 4 – Shadows of the Past**

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 **Summary:** The secret that one person holds doesn't keep the others from caring about you. Nothing makes us lonely as our secrets.

 **Author's Note:** Hello again everyone! This is the fourth chapter of my story! I hope you enjoy it! It's really tough for me to write this chapter, but I hope I conveyed what I wanted to my readers. I really hope to continue with my weekly updates, and some reviews, comments, and suggestions really encourage me to write the next chapter. Thank you again!

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"Fear keeps us focused on the past or worried about the future. If we can acknowledge our fear, we can realize that right now, we are okay. Right now, today, we are still alive, and our bodies are working marvellously. Our eyes can still see the beautiful sky. Our ears can still hear the voices of our loved ones."

\- Thich Nhat Hanh

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Almost everybody has this kind of experience, as if you are on autopilot. Day in, day out, a person does a routine; afraid that if that was disrupted, something unusual or out of place might happen. Waking up, make breakfast for your family, go to work, go back home, and sleep; repeating the same thing over, and over again as if you are a programmed mechanism.

That is what Jennifer Jareau has been doing for the past four, nearly five years.

* * *

This day isn't like any other days though, as she is trying to break that routine. Spurned on what happened a few months back, she tried to do something. Something that is different.

Today, JJ is not doing her usual routine, without Will or Henry in her home; she tried to cook just for one person.

"This is just like before, back before I was married to Will." She said to herself while preparing for her breakfast.

Reminiscing on her past, she hadn't realized that she finished her morning routine until she got out of her house and locked the front door. After getting into her car, she remembered that she wasn't going to the BAU, instead she went to her favourite coffee shop near her office.

A very jolly "Good Morning!" is what welcomed her to her favourite coffee shop. Seeing the usual barista on the counter she offered a hello.

"Good morning Ma'am, the usual for you?" the barista asked JJ.

"Yes please, but only one cup. I'm not going to work today." She replied.

"Good thing for you to have a break Ma'am, I hope you have a great day." The barista said to JJ as he prepared her drink.

After saying thanks to the barista, she sat down on one of the chairs on the shop. Staring at the people walking through the streets on this beautiful day, she didn't realize that someone sat in the chair in front of her.

"I see you're having fun." The person in front of her spoke.

Surprised by the voice, she looked towards the direction of the person who spoke, "M-matt? What are you doing here?" she stammered.

"Well, this place is very close to the office, and I like the coffee here." Mateo Cruz replied, smiling at the person he's talking to.

"You know what I'm talking about." JJ answered back.

"I'm taking a break, and in some miraculous coincidence, I met you." Cruz responded, while taking a sip off his coffee. Looking at the woman in front of him, he saw the tense look on her face.

"Do you need anything for today? Do you need some company?" Cruz asked, after seeing JJ's silence.

JJ sighed and ran her hand through her hair in defeat. "No. I don't need anything for today. The preparations are finished." After taking a sip of the steaming cup of coffee in front of her, she added, "Thank you for the offer though."

A comfortable silence went between the two of them after their conversation. They went and just observed the people walking in the park on the other side of the street. Children were playing through the park with their parents. Others were just talking and mingling with their friends. A beautiful day spent by people with their loved ones.

Cruz spoke to JJ after those few moments of silence, "JJ, you know you're not alone, right?"

JJ turned to look at him and crooked her lips into a bit of a smile, "Yeah. I know." She replied.

"As long as you know that." Cruz said back to her. "I should be going back. People might notice that I'm missing." He added, while getting up from his seat.

"Thanks Matt." She said to him before he left the shop. Cruz left the coffee shop, not forgetting to wave her goodbye.

Looking at her watch, she realized it was becoming late. Glancing at her coffee, still half-full, she drank it all before it became cold for her taste. She got up from her seat and cleaned up the table before throwing the empty cup at the trash bin. She went outside to her car and drove to her next destination.

Just a few minutes away from the coffee shop, JJ parked her car in front of a flower shop. She went inside and greeted the owner. "Hi, I'm Jennifer Jareau. I ordered a bouquet here last week. Is it ready?"

The owner then went behind the room behind her and after a few minutes, went outside and brought JJ a wonderful bouquet of flowers. "Ms. Jareau, here is your bouquet of white carnations and daisies. Thank you very much!"

JJ thanked the shopkeeper and went outside to her car. She drove for a while, turning from street to street, when she saw the gate leading to a quiet expanse field. Entering the premises, she came to a stop after rounding a corner and parked near a large sycamore tree. She hadn't realized how hard she was gripping the steering wheel until she tried to turn off the ignition of her car. After getting off her vehicle, she walked down the grassy field of the property while holding the bouquet of flowers in her hands. The last time she came here was four years ago, before she came back to the BAU.

After weaving through a few markers on the ground, she stopped in front of a blank tombstone sitting on top of an empty grave. Her eyes widened a little as she saw flowers in front of the bare memorial. She smiled inwardly as she thought, " _Matt... Thank you."_ She then wondered if he had done this for the past four years.

She settled her bouquet of carnations and daisies beside the white roses her friend brought. Kneeling a little, she placed the flowers to the grass. While doing so, a few droplets of tears fell to her hands. Realizing that she was alone, years of pent up emotions flowed like a broken dam. Tears she couldn't control streamed down her face.

"I-i'm so-sorry. I'm so sorry." She repeatedly said while kneeling in the ground. "I'm sorry I didn't take c-care of you. I'm s-sorry I didn't tell your d-daddy about you. I'm sorry it took almost f-five years for me to mo-mourn for you. I'm s-sorry for ev-everything." She closed her eyes shut trying to control herself.

For the last four years, she hid something not only with Will, but also with her BAU family. The only other person that knew about it was one of her teammates from the task force formed to find Osama Bin Laden, Mateo Cruz.

Her baby. For the past years, she tried to put her baby in the back of her mind. That made her guilty, very guilty. The first year was difficult. Trying to make the others see that she was alright, and she does not have any problems to deal with, was hard. But she had practice. Practice from living her childhood days with a family that thinks that keeping their own problems to themselves and keeping a "I'm fine" look is enough for everyone around them to think that they were fine. The good thing is everybody around her back then thought that she was fine, even her profiler friends. The only person to think that something was bothering her back in the day was her best friend, Emily Prentiss.

Even before, when her friend was being hunted down by an international fugitive, Emily already had an idea of something that was happening to her, that her assignment to pentagon was a backstop, that her having a clearance, to personally hide and help Emily during those dark times. However, only just a few months ago did Emily really find out about her darkest secret; the secret that wasn't in any reports or files hidden within the depths of the government. Emily found out about her baby who died in the harsh desert of Afghanistan.

" _Emily._ " Was the only one coherent thought that passed through her perturbed mind. She slowly opened her eyes and wiped the tears that cascaded down her face with her arms. Trying to control herself from being a crying mess that she was, she gradually stood up from her position and walked a little to the majestic tree that shadows her baby's memorial. Leaning back to the trunk of the tree, she slid down and sat beneath it. Leaning her head down to her knees, she got her phone from her pocket and dialled a very familiar number. After the first ring, she suddenly remembered that her friend was in a case. She immediately tried to cancel the call when she heard that the person on the other line answer the call.

" _JJ?_ " The person on the other side of the call asked. All the things that she wanted to say to Emily suddenly evaporated when she heard her voice.

"Em?" She whispered back to her.

Emily suddenly realized that something was wrong. JJ's voice seems like she cried for a long time. Her voice was throaty and raspy. " _Are you okay?_ " She asked before realizing that today was the death anniversary of JJ's unborn baby. " _No. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked that_." She added after her realization.

" _I'm here Jayje_." She said to her grieving friend. After she said that, she heard JJ trying to control her sobs. " _Do you want me to go where you are right away?_ " she asked.

"No! I mean, no. You're in a case right now, I don't want to bother. I just wanted to hear your voice." JJ meekly replied back to Emily after finding the strength to control her tears.

" _JJ..."_ Emily mentally said. When she remembered what day it was today, she couldn't help but be worried with her best friend. The two of them talked about this after their confrontation while they were on the case in Nevada.

* * *

Flashback

 _JJ was sitting on the couch of Emily Prentiss. After the team finished the case in Nevada, Emily invited JJ to her house. Emily was worried about her friend after she just mindlessly followed her until they entered her house. Emily sat beside JJ and she cried her heart out to her._

" _It's okay. It's okay Jayje." She repeatedly murmured to her crying friend while hugging her, trying to tell her friend that she was always by her side and she was never going to leave her. Emily didn't know how many minutes or hours went by until her friend dried out of tears. They kept close, with Emily running her hand to JJ's hair still trying to console her friend while JJ's face was hidden in Emily's shirt._

" _I think I'll visit her this year." JJ whispered to Emily when she tried to look up to her._

" _Visit who?" Emily asked._

" _After I left the task force to go back to the BAU, I received a letter from Matt that he bought a lot at the cemetery for my baby. He knows that its empty, but still, he said that she is worth remembering. He said that I should be the one to have something written on the tombstone, but until now, it's still empty." JJ answered Emily while trying to wipe the remaining tears on her face._

 _Emily just hugged her friend firmly to say that she's happy that her friend is now trying to face her past._

End of Flashback

* * *

She tried to come up with something that could let her go to JJ, but she couldn't. The team would realize that something was wrong if she were to suddenly disappear, it's very hard to work with profilers. While she was thinking of an excuse, JJ suddenly said, "I shouldn't be talking to you while you're on the job. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have called.

"No, wait JJ! I'll go to you as soon as possible!" Emily said, hoping that her friend heard her before JJ ended the call.

* * *

After hanging up the call, JJ closed her eyes as a result of being tired from her emotions bursting out and tried zoned out everything. She felt at peace for a while until she heard a very eerie familiar voice.

"Oh Jennifer, you remember what I told you in our last chat." A man with a very cold blooded voice, Tivon Askari, spoke in her mind.

"I took your sleep. Then, I took your smile." The man then paused, waiting for her to reply.

"What is next though, Jennifer? Does your husband still recognize you? What about your son?" The man continued his taunts.

"I hope you know that I will have a front seat watching you kill yourself, and I will welcome you here... With me." The man finished with a laugh as sinister as she remembered it to be.

"No!" She shouted out loud as she opened her eyes. "No." She repeated trying to convince herself as her heart beats erratically inside. As her eyes glanced down, she saw the time on her watch. It was late. She then realized that her hallucination earlier was in fact, a nightmare.

After calming down, she stood up and went back to her car, but not before taking a longing glance back at her baby's resting place.

* * *

Thank you again guys for taking some time to read my story! My next chapter is almost finished and I hope to post the next chapter by next week! Any comments and suggestions are very welcome. :D


	5. Chapter 5: An Avenger's Reason

**Chapter 5 - An Avenger's Reason**

* * *

 **Author's Note** : Hello again everyone! This is the fifth chapter of my story! I hope you enjoy it! I'm going to upload this chapter earlier than usual since we are going to a company outing tomorrow until the weekend. Any reviews, comments and suggestions are welcome!

* * *

"Revenge is an act of passion; vengeance of justice. Injuries are revenged; crimes are avenged."

-Samuel Johnson

* * *

"Garcia? Did you track the cell phone of the unsub?" Emily asked the technical analyst on the phone as Hotch was driving them to the location of the unsub.

"Yes, still on house of Darren Winter." Penelope answered her. "Please be careful guys." She added pleadingly.

"We will Garcia." Emily replied then hanged up the phone.

"Hotch, let's hurry." Emily said to Hotch.

Hotch glanced at Emily. He saw his passenger biting down her fingernails and seems to be thinking about something else ever since that phone call earlier. Emily seems to be agitated about something. He was about to ask her when he saw the unsub's house. With a shake of his head, he tried to concentrate on the case, reminding himself to confront Emily later after the case.

As Hotch saw the SWAT team pulling over in front of a house, he parked behind them. He and Emily went down the SUV and strapped on their vests. They waited for the others to arrive to set up their raid into the house.

After a few moments, they saw the other SUV where Rossi, Morgan and Reid were in. They went down their vehicle and equipped their weapons and vests. After putting his earwig in place Rossi asked Hotch, "So, what's the plan?"

"Morgan and Reid, go in front. Rossi, pair up with Detective Lance and search the room in the backyard. Prentiss and I will enter from the back of the house. Remember the profile, he is very dangerous." Hotch instructed his team. "Let's go."

The team positioned themselves in their respected spots. Behind the team are the SWAT that will support them in the raid of the unsub's house. At Hotch's instruction, the raid began. Morgan kicked the front door down. Immediately following him is Dr. Reid with his Smith & Wesson Model 65 revolver in front of him. After, scouring the very bare first floor of the house each of them said clear on their earwig.

The other team, Hotch and Emily went through the back door of the house. They went to the second floor and swept the rooms. After going to the master's bedroom, Emily called for Hotch. "Hotch, come here."

As Hotch entered the room, he saw a very large spot of dried blood on the mattress of the bed. There are also many opened envelopes thrown on top of it. "Call the forensics in here."

The last team, Rossi and Detective Lance went to the shed in the backyard. It seems that the family used the room as their personal storage locker. At the back of the room, there was something unusual. Rossi went to the back and saw a large chest freezer. When he opened the freezer, he saw something that wasn't supposed to be there. He immediately called to Hotch and the team and told them to come immediately to the shed.

"Dave, what's wrong? Did you find something?" Hotch immediately asked Rossi when he called for them.

"Yes Hotch. I've already called for forensics and the medical examiner here." Rossi replied.

After hearing the word "medical examiner" Emily and Hotch looked at each other and hurried to the back of the house. When they entered the room, Morgan and Reid are already inside. They looked inside the chest freezer, and just as the others saw, two pairs of dead eyes are looking straight at them hauntingly.

"Damn it! So he also killed his family and stored them here? That sick son of a bitch!" Morgan shouted out of frustration.

"Is the medical examiner here? We need to know to time of death, if it can be estimated seeing as they have been preserved for some time." Hotch asked.

Just as Hotch asked, the medical examiners came in and did their job. They took the bodies out of the freezer and did their work. After a while, one of them went to the busy agents to tell them about their findings.

"Sir, due to the unfortunate circumstance that the bodies were frozen, we will only give a vague time of death on the individuals. It would seem that they were already dead for more than two weeks. They may be killed for more than three to four weeks ago. We can only give you a more accurate time when we further examined the bodies on our laboratory. Regarding the cause of deaths, the woman was strangulated using a rope, as seen with the ligature marks on her neck. The same is with the girl. However, the girl also has ligature marks on her wrists and legs."

"Thank you. Please give us an update if you find more on the victims." Hotch replied to them.

After talking with the medical examiner, he called Garcia for further updates. He took his phone and dialled a familiar number.

"Garcia, any update on the family of Darren White?" Hotch asked their technical analyst.

"Sir, Christine White and their daughter Riley. Their dental records match the victims on site." Garcia replied.

"I have their personal computer here Garcia, find clues. Anything that will lead us to the unsub." Hotch instructed her.

"Yes sir! I'll be done in a jiffy!"

After relaying the report of the medical examiner on site to the team, Reid immediately commented, "That's weird... The unsub was discharged only two weeks ago but the victims were dead three to four weeks ago."

"Does that mean that the unsub found them dead when he came home?" Morgan added.

"That must be the stressor for the killings. But why the personal anger to the owners of the shops?" Rossi asked.

A ring from Morgan's phone disrupted them from their brainstorming. "Hey baby girl, you're on speaker."

"Yes handsome. I tried to access all the things from the Winter family from their computer to their bank accounts. From the bank accounts of his wife, it seems like she lost almost all of their money to none other than the owner of the pawnshop. On the wife's hidden online account, I saw many messages that are only appropriate for ages 21 and above, and to none other than the owner of the pawnshop. Regarding the other two establishments, it seems like Darren Winter tried to sell most of their furniture and collector's item to be able to give his family a decent funeral. However, they didn't give him a fair price for those." Garcia informed the team of the additional information they needed.

"So, from the grief of losing his family, that turned into rage upon learning that after everything he'd been through, the family he protected betrayed him. And that snapped him." Emily stated.

"But where is he right now? The family's car is still parked out in the front. He must have some place to hide." Morgan said.

The team tried to canvass the house of the unsub for other possible information that they could get from it. After a few frustrating hours, they decided to go back to Quantico to look for a new perspective in the case. Just as they were finishing up, Emily's phone rang. After seeing the caller's ID, she immediately answered the call. "JJ? JJ? Is something wrong? I can't hear you." A few more moments passed and she heard some shuffling and crying from the other side of the line. "Damn it JJ!"

The rest of the team looked back to Emily who seemed frantic about the call. They remained quiet, trying to take a gist of what is happening with the other person on the other line. Just as they were going to ask Emily about the problem, an officer scrambled through the house and frantically said, "Sir! There is a reported bank robbery near Charleston! Witnesses heard gunshots from inside!"

Just as the officer told them about the new development, gunshots were heard on the other line of Emily's phone.

* * *

Thanks again for reading guys! Again, any reviews, comments and suggestions are welcome! See you again next time!


	6. Chapter 6: The Decision

**Chapter 6**

* * *

 **Author's Note** : Hello again everyone! This is the sixth chapter of my story! I hope you enjoy it! Thanks again to my reviewers: **Jareau37** , **rmpcmfan** , **jjcrimminds** , **POIfan** , **T-Rex Ninja Kid** , **elphiemolizbethbau** , **Hippiechic81**. Thanks also to the anonymous reviews! Thanks to all those who follow and favourite my story. Again, any reviews, comments, and suggestions are welcome! Enjoy!

* * *

"It requires greater courage to preserve inner freedom, to move on in one's inward journey into new realms, than to stand defiantly for outer freedom. It is often easier to play the martyr, as it is to be rash in battle."

-Rollo May

* * *

It was well past 2'o clock in the afternoon when JJ finally left the cemetery. She sat for a long time inside her car while tightly gripping the wheel after trying to calm herself down from her emotional outburst. She knew she wasn't fit to drive in her condition then. She only left after realizing that she still has something else to do.

Ever since that fateful day in the desert, she tried to make peace with herself by doing something that can alleviate her pain. Some may call it, an escape; and maybe to her, it is. Every year, on this day, she donates money to charity for children who lost their parents. It may be the opposite of what she's experienced, to be the one to lose a child, but every time she does it, her tumultuous guilty conscience calms down.

And so, she drives herself towards the bank that she always goes every single year. She pulled her car up the empty parking space in front of it. Getting down the vehicle, she saw a family consisting of a mother and a father; with their daughter enter the bank. She followed them inside and saw that there were only a few people in it. The family she saw earlier, an elderly man with his caretaker, and a man talking to the bank manager in the counter.

She sat down at a chair waiting for the people in front to get their turn for the bank transaction. She pulled a book from her bag and began to read. After turning a second page from her book, she looked up from it upon hearing some shouting from the counter.

"Why wouldn't you give it to me?!" the man shouted at the manager behind the counter.

"Sir, please calm down. You don't have the necessary requirements for claiming what you want." JJ heard the manager reply to the nearly hysterical man in the counter.

"Calm down?! You! You want me to calm down?! I'll show you how to calm down!" The man shouted as his hand went inside his pocket and pulled a gun out from it. With shaking arms, he pointed the gun at the manager and shot at him.

Screams of the people inside tore the place as the manager of the bank slumped down behind the counter.

"Shut up! All of you, Shut. Up!" the man yelled as he pointed his gun to all the people inside the bank. All the people stopped screaming while trying to find an escape from the madness inside. The father of the family she saw earlier placed himself in front of his family. Their daughter was crying while her mother consoled her. The elderly man with his caretaker, on the other hand, is hiding at the back of the couch in the lobby.

Because she was at the back, JJ slipped her phone from her hand and unconsciously pressed the number 3 on her speed dial, with Will and Hotch as her number 1 and 2. As she did this, the man dragged the manager from behind the counter to the lobby where most of them are. The manager was moaning in pain. He was still alive.

Trying to analyze the situation, JJ scanned through the premises, the front door of the bank was definitely out reach from anybody on the premises. However, she can see some curious people outside. She hoped that at least one of them called the police by then. Her eyes then scanned to the lobby. She can see the manager struggling with his gunshot wound. Being an FBI agent, she knew that she had to settle this situation before it escalates any further. As she was opening her mouth to try and talk down the man, the father of the family near the armed man tried to attack him. She realized that she was too late when two rounds of gunshots rang through the premises.

"Nooo!" The mother shrieked out loud as her husband slumped to the ground. She tried to hide her daughter's face from the bloody scene in front of them.

* * *

 **At the Unsub's House:**

As the officer told them about the new report of a bank robbery in Charleston, gunshots were heard on the other line of Emily's phone. She almost dropped her phone on the ground when she heard it. Her eyes went wide and unconsciously locked her gaze to Hotch.

"H-hotch..." She whispered out.

The team also heard the gunshots from the other side of Emily's phone. Realizing the danger that their friend was in, Hotch took out his phone and called Garcia. "Garcia, trace JJ's phone right now!"

Only a few seconds has passed when Garcia replied, "215 Charleston, Virginia. She's inside a bank. Wait, that's the bank that was just reported earlier!" She replied. "Is JJ with him?!" She added in panic.

"She's going to be just fine Garcia. We're coming to her right now." Hotch reassured Garcia.

After hanging up the phone, the team scrambled to get to the scene as fast as they can. Looking at his partner he called her, "Prentiss, let's go."

Emily, still in shock about what she heard in the phone just stared at the phone in front of her. She was worried about JJ especially since just a few hours ago, JJ was very emotional. She wondered on why the hell did JJ and their unsub were even together. Her mental ramblings were disrupted when she heard her boss call her to go to bank where JJ and the unsub are.

Jumping into their SUV, Hotch drove very fast. He didn't care if broke every law on the street, he just needed to get to their destination right now. Emily, on the other hand, was very worried. She felt her stomach sinking to ground when she imagined that the worst has happened to JJ.

They pulled up on the street near the bank. Emily and Hotch exited their vehicle and went to where the rest of the team are. They saw Morgan instructing the SWAT on what to do in case there is an opportunity to raid the place. They know that this will be hard especially because there are hostages inside.

* * *

 **Inside the Bank:**

"What am I going to do?! I never meant for this to happen!" The man talked to himself after he heard sirens outside the bank. The man looked very upset and was pacing around nervously while still flinging about his gun to the hostages in the bank. Looking for the right opportunity, JJ stood slowly while putting her hands up in surrender. "Sir, I know you didn't mean to do this. They need medical attention." JJ slowly said to the man, trying to sympathize with him.

The man suddenly looked at her direction and pointed the gun at her. "What do you know about this, huh?! I already shot them! The police outside will storm in and kill me!"

"But you can still help them! Just let them have the help they need." She said as her eyes travelled to the two bleeding people who were hanging on their lives. "Please just let them go. I can stay here with you." She bargained with him.

The man contemplated on what JJ told him and said, "Alright then, if you're so brave, I'll shoot you and if you don't scream out, I'll let a person go."

The hostages looked at her, with eyes full of fear; not for themselves, but for the woman who they think will save their lives. Without any hesitation, JJ answered back at him. "Fine, but first let the injured and the child go."

"Alright then, come here." The man instructed JJ to come closer to him. JJ complied and slowly walked towards him. Without any warning, he shot at JJ's right leg.

She gritted her teeth so hard that she thought she'd break it as pain registered in her mind. She stumbled down the floor as she felt her body lose strength.

Satisfied with the reaction, the man instructed the child to go out of the place. "Still in it, honey?" He asked JJ, taunting her with the weapon while crouching down in front of her.

She stared back at him, not willing to let the man in front of him see any pain from her. "Let the injured go." She said.

He stood up and shot another two rounds at her, one at her left leg and one at her shoulder. JJ almost blacked out at the additional pain she felt. She can feel blood seeping through her wounds, but she still didn't scream at the pain that she was feeling.

Frustrated at JJ's lack of reaction, the man shouted angrily at his hostages, "I really don't care at this game anymore! Just go out!"

* * *

 **Outside the Bank:**

The team outside heard additional gunshots from the inside the bank. They immediately went from stand by positions into their go positions. As the lead of the first team, Morgan, with Rossi instructed his SWAT team with his hands to storm the bank from the side door. Emily and Hotch, together with the second team tried to enter from the front door. As Hotch's team were to enter, they saw the hostages run out of the bank. They saw everyone except JJ. The emergency response team immediately attended to them. Hotch and Emily looked at each other's eyes and nodded to each other and then entered the bank.

"FBI! Drop down your weapons!"

Emily looked at the unsub then looked down to where he points his weapon. Her eyes widened as she saw JJ lying on the floor with blood seeping through, staining her clothes and her beautiful blond hair red. When she saw that the eyes of her best friend were closed, she felt her stomach drop. Taking a closer look at JJ, she saw that her friend's chest is still shallowly going up and down. She released a big sigh of relief, seeing that her friend is still fighting on. She then focused herself on the man in front of him.

"Darren Winter! Put your weapon down!" Emily said to the man while pointing her gun at him. She saw Hotch position himself beside her, looking for a better position to shoot the unsub in case the worst happen. Behind the unsub, she saw Morgan and Rossi position themselves behind.

"Why does this have to happen?! I went away to protect the country for many years, and when I come back, they're dead?! All I wanted to do is to protect the country, and yet my country didn't protect my family!" Darren shouted at them. "I just want my family to have a proper funeral! But this bank! This bank won't give me my money! Their insurances!" He added while still pointing his gun at JJ.

Emily, starting to understand the situation, said, "Sir, I know that you protected the country and I'm deeply sorry for what your family had to go through. But you shouldn't hurt the people that you protected, just because of what happened. I know that your wife and your daughter don't want to see you like this."

"I know... I know..." Darren said while shaking his head, trying to understand what Emily is saying. "But I've already hurt people. I betrayed my country. I shouldn't even live." He added.

"Look at her." Emily asked Darren to look at JJ, who was lying down the floor. "You don't want to hurt her any further. She also has a family. She has a son, who is only six years old."

Darren looked at JJ. He saw the blond open her eyes a bit and looked at him. He saw the pain that she was experiencing. With his trembling hand, he placed his gun to the floor. Morgan and Rossi saw the opportunity and cuffed their unsub. Hotch, on the other hand, went outside and frantically called for a medic.

After Emily saw that Darren laid down his weapon and was immediately cuffed by Morgan, she ran towards JJ to see if she was still okay. She kneeled down beside her, took her hand and looked at her directly in the eye. "Jayje...? Please just hold on. Just look at my eyes, don't close them." Emily frantically said to JJ while tears fell through her eyes.

* * *

JJ felt like hell. Her eyes were slightly open, but are unfocused. She can hear muffled sounds from somewhere, but can't understand anything. She can't feel anything but her shallow, laboured breathing and pain from everywhere in her body. She felt like her limbs were on fire.

She then felt someone take her hand. Her hand suddenly felt warm even though the rest of her body is getting colder and colder. She tried to focus her sight to the person beside her. As she was going to turn her head, she thought she saw an angel before her eyes rolled up and her sight went black.

* * *

That's it guys! I hope to update the next chapter by next week! Who's excited about the new season of criminal minds? :D


	7. Chapter 7: Waiting Game

**Chapter 7 - Waiting Game**

* * *

 **Author's Note** : Hello again guys! I hope that people are still reading my story and it doesn't get too boring for your tastes. Thanks again to my reviewers and to the new followers of my story! Hope you enjoy!

* * *

"Patience is not simply the ability to wait - it's how we behave while we're waiting."

\- Joyce Meyer

* * *

"No, no, no, no, Jennifer! Open your eyes!" Emily begged JJ as she saw her friend close her eyes. The hand the she was holding also went slack as she was trying to wake JJ up. Additional tears streamed down her face as she saw JJ slip into oblivion. "JJ! You can't do this to me!" Emily pleaded to her unconscious friend.

Just as she was trying to wake her up, the medic finally arrived with Hotch. "Emily, let her go. The medic needs to help her." Hotch said to Emily after putting his hand on her shoulder.

Seeing his long time friend and colleague in this situation really put Hotch at an impasse. He needs to be strong for his team, even though he too, was hurting because of the current situation. Chasing serial killers is what they do. They know that their jobs are dangerous; that any of them could be in this kind of situation. But in this kind of circumstance, where the one person they least thought that could get in danger in this case was...

No. For crying out loud, JJ isn't even on the case.

If they just caught the unsub on his house earlier. If they were only just an hour or even a minute faster, in deducing or finding out the unsub's identity, then this wouldn't happen.

He was watching every move that the medic did on JJ, every instruction, every injection, everything. He didn't know how much time passed when of the medic tried to get his attention. He was covered in blood, JJ's blood. "Sir, we are going to move Agent Jareau to Virginia Medical Hospital. You can follow us to the hospital if you want." The medic didn't wait for a reply and immediately hopped into the ambulance with JJ in a gurney. With a fleeting glance, he saw JJ hooked up to many IVs and her face was very pale.

"Emily." He softly nudged his partner. "We need to go." He quietly added.

Emily stared at what was in front of her. She saw how the medic tried to keep JJ breathing. She saw how frantically they tried to save her. She didn't understand what they were saying but she knew they were struggling to keep her alive. She remembered all things that JJ did with her. All the memories just kept popping up; how JJ helped her hide from Doyle, their girls' night out, their scrabble nights, the talks, everything.

When she felt a hand on her shoulder, trying to get her attention, she looked up at the understanding eyes of her boss. "Emily, we're going to the hospital. Morgan and Rossi will take over the crime scene. They'll follow after. Reid is already on his way there."

Emily stood up and followed Hotch to their vehicle. The drive was only for a few minutes since the hospital where the ambulance was going is only a few blocks away from where they were. When they arrived at the ER, they showed their badges to enter the premises. Hotch talked to the hospital staff and they said that JJ is still in surgery. After talking to them, Hotch went and sat in the sofa beside Emily in the waiting room where they were assigned to.

Finding her voice since the incident, Emily quietly said to Hotch, "I'm going to call Garcia." Hotch agreed to her and said that he would call Will to let him know about the incident. He stood up and went outside the room to call.

Emily, on the other hand, tried to get her phone from her pocket. She called Garcia on the phone. After only a ring, Garcia answered the call frantically, "Emily? What happened? Is JJ alright?!"

"Um... Garcia, JJ... JJ's in the hospital." She whispered breathlessly.

"What?! Oh my... Oh. My. God! What happened to my cupcake?!" Garcia shrieked back at Emily. Before Emily could reply, Garcia added, "No, I'm going there right now! You can tell me later!"

Before hanging up, Garcia could feel that Emily is having a hard time on this and she softly said to her, "Emily, honey, she'll be just fine." Trying to convince herself as well.

When Garcia hanged up, Emily placed her phone beside her and then she saw her hands, it was stained with her friend's blood. She mindlessly stood up and went to the toilet in the waiting room. She washed and scrubbed her hand in the sink. As she did so, she felt teardrops fall on her hands.

When Hotch entered the waiting room again after calling Will, he saw Reid sitting down a chair clearly agitated by the situation.

Reid's gaze looked up to the person who entered. When he saw Hotch, he immediately stood up and asked him about the current situation. "Is there an update on JJ?"

"Nothing new yet. She's still in surgery and nobody is still coming out of there." Hotch replied. After scanning the room he asked Reid "Did you see Emily? She was just here a moment ago."

"No, I walked in here about 12 minutes and 46 seconds ago and she wasn't here. I think she's in the washroom over there. I heard flowing water over there earlier." Reid said while pointing to the direction of the washroom in the corner of the room. As he did so, the door of the toilet opened and Emily walked out of it. She looked at the two agents staring at her inside the room and said, "Oh, sorry. I didn't hear you come in Reid. Am I disturbing something?"

"No. I was just saying to Reid that there is still no update on JJ. I also called Will earlier. They said that he and Henry are at New Orleans, visiting his mom. He's trying to finding the earliest flight back here." Hotch said to Emily while observing her red rimmed eyes, clearly from crying earlier.

Realizing that eyes were boring on her, Emily awkwardly laughed and said, "Guys, I'm fine." She reassured them. "Really." She added seeing unconvinced eyes of Hotch and Reid.

Hotch recognized that Emily doesn't want for this to go on further, seeing as they have a more pressing situation to deal with. "Okay." He replied. "But if you want to talk about anything, just know that we, the team, are right here with you." He added.

The uncomfortable silence that surrounded the waiting room was disturbed by someone barging into the door. The occupants of the room looked up expectantly seeing as they were expecting any updates on their blond haired friend.

"Can someone tell me about what happened earlier?! Is my cupcake alright?!" A panicked, clearly distraught Penelope Garcia entered the room.

Somewhat disappointed that the person who entered the room wasn't the doctor, Hotch stood from his seat and approached Garcia. "Garcia, calm down. There's still no update on JJ." He said as he guided Garcia down to the sofa beside Emily.

"O-ok." Garcia stuttered in reply after she settled down in the sofa. Thinking of the many possibilities that may come from this, she played with her fingers, clearly very nervous about her friend. She felt a warm presence when a comforting hand held hers. She looked at the person beside her and immediately tears formed in her eyes. "Em..." She breathed out.

The two of the best friends gave each other a much needed hug, an assurance that they are there for each other. "Oh Emily. You know our cupcake, she'll come right of this more than a hundred percent." She said to Emily after seeing her friend's bloodshot eyes, from what she deduced, are from crying nonstop since earlier today.

They didn't know how much time had passed since they first came in the hospital until the door to the room they were in opened and a doctor went inside. The team immediately stood up and approached the doctor.

"Jennifer Jareau?" He said.

"Yes? We're her team. Her family is on their way here on a plane." Hotch immediately replied, anxious from all the waiting.

"The operation was successful. She received three gunshot wounds, one to each of her legs and one to her left shoulder. Her right knee cap was shattered and was replaced. She will need extensive physical therapy for this. For the other leg, it was a through and through, no problem there." The doctor explained JJ's injuries to the team.

"Next is the gunshot wound near her left shoulder. This is where the problem began. The bullet somewhat shattered upon impact and some shards nicked some arteries near her heart. We patched it up correctly. We believe that there will be no complication there, but we will have a close eye on her recovery to see if there are really no complications on her cardiovascular system." He added. Upon seeing the almost relieved eyes of the people in front of him, he took a breath before starting again.

"However, due to the blood loss during Miss Jareau's operation, she and her baby are still in critical condition, especially the little one." He finished.

As the doctor said his last sentence, the team gasped out loud at the doctor's revelation. "She's pregnant...?" Emily breathed out.

Emily thought about JJ and how much she is still stuck on her past; never forgiving herself on what happened to her unborn child back then. Emily closed her eyes and prayed hard that history won't repeat itself because if it did, she didn't know how broken JJ would be after this.

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Hey guys! thanks for reading! Hope to see you again next time!


	8. Chapter 8: Revelations

**Chapter 8 – Revelation**

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 **Author's Note:** Here's the 8th chapter of my story! I hope you enjoy!

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"We pass through the present with our eyes blindfolded. We are permitted merely to sense and guess at what we are actually experiencing. Only later when the cloth is untied can we glance at the past and find out what we have experienced and what meaning it has."

-Milan Kundera

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A steady beeping sound enveloped the room where a blond-haired woman was laying down in a bed inside the ICU of the hospital. Emily is sitting beside the bed gently holding her hand. She kept thinking on what the doctor said earlier to the team, that JJ is pregnant. Emily kept thinking that this was a good thing. "Ever since that day Jen, your time has stopped." She said quietly, thinking that ever since that day on the desert, her friend couldn't let go of that incident, and thus living like not living at all.

"It's time for you to move on." She added while using her thumb to form circles on JJ's hand.

The door to the room opened and someone said, "Emily, Morgan and Rossi just came in. You should go back to the hotel and take a rest. I'll stay here with JJ."

Emily turned to look at person who enter and said, "Thanks Hotch, but I'm fine here."

"No, you're not fine. Just go back home with Garcia, it's getting late. You can come back here first thing in the morning." Hotch insisted.

Adamantly staring back at Hotch, Emily sighed and stood up from her seat beside her friend and walked towards the door.

But before Emily reached for the door, Hotch closed it and asked her, "Emily, I know that it's a really bad time to ask about this, but I think that this is important. Is something going on with JJ earlier?"

Before Emily could deny anything, he added, "You've been off since before we started this case, and I think JJ has something to do with it. I also think that JJ is the one who called you earlier."

"I- I'm sorry Hotch, I don't think that I'm the right person to tell you about this." Emily replied back.

She settled her hand on the door handle, thinking it through if she should tell Hotch about it or not. She turned around to face her boss after a few moments of thinking and said, "Want to sit down first?"

After they settled down on the sofa inside the room, Emily started, "I think I'm betraying JJ's trust by telling you about this, but I think that if any other person should learn about this, it's you."

"Do you remember our case last January on Nevada? The one with the frozen bodies?" Emily asked Hotch. After seeing her boss nod, she continued, "You asked me back then if there is something wrong. I answered no." She swallowed a lumped that formed in her talk before she continued, "Even before we left for Nevada, I noticed that something is wrong with JJ. She looked panicked and withdrawn. I even wondered why any of the team didn't notice it. It was then that I remembered that it was almost the anniversary of JJ's kidnapping. When I couldn't see her like that much longer, I confronted her. It was the first time that I saw her like that. She looked so lost; she didn't even know what she was feeling. She cried in front of me."

"She said that it was bigger than PTSD, and that she couldn't let it go. She was so distraught that I really didn't know how we, the profilers, didn't even see it." I stopped my narration for a bit, trying to compose myself. Then Emily revealed it, "She was pregnant back then, back in Afghanistan. An IED exploded on their humvee and she miscarried her child. It wasn't in any files or reports. She even hid it from Will. Only Cruz and I know. I promised her that this will stay between us, but even if she will be angry at me, I know that she'll understand why I told you."

"Today is the death anniversary of her unborn child." Emily ended, chocking back a sob as her emotions tried to flow.

Hotch was shocked about what Emily told him about JJ. He felt that he was punched to the gut. He knew that something was still bothering JJ even after she said that she was fine after her abduction a year ago, but he didn't do anything about it. He felt that he was a failure of a leader. Not knowing how to comfort his friend, Hotch just held Emily's hand in said, "Thank you for telling me. I knew that something was wrong about JJ but I didn't do anything about it. I'm sorry, I failed both of you."

"No Hotch, nobody is at fault here. I'm just glad that you're here." Emily softly replied back to him. "I should go. Garcia must be waiting for me outside." She added.

Just as Emily was leaving, irregular and fast beeping sound echoed throughout the room. The two agents looked back at their friend at the hospital bed and they saw that something is wrong. "Emily! Call for help outside!" Hotch immediately ordered Emily.

Emily ran outside the room to get help from the doctors as Hotch stayed behind and held JJ's hand. He saw his friend's eyes were open and looked panicked. "JJ, please calm down. It's me, Hotch. You're in a hospital." He repeatedly said to calm his friend.

After a few moments, JJ's eyes locked to Hotch and seemed to calm down, her breathing slowing down to a normal pace. The door suddenly opened and a doctor with nurses entered the room. "Sir, please leave the room while we check on Miss Jareau. We'll call you back after we finished." The doctor told Hotch.

Looking back to JJ, he said to her, "We'll be back, JJ. Just let the doctor check on you, okay?" When he felt her hand squeeze his, he smiled to her and let go of her hand. He left the room with Emily to update the rest of the team outside.

As they left JJ's room, Hotch and Emily were immediately surrounded by their team. "Hotch, what happened in there?" Morgan anxiously asked their leader. He looked at his nervous and anxious team and said, "There's no need to worry. JJ just woke up and panicked a bit."

A breath of relief escaped his team after what he told them. "You guys should go home and rest. You can come back in the morning. I'll update you if something happens." He added.

"Come on Hotch, she needs us here." Morgan said to him.

"The doctor said that only one person can stay with her tonight. You guys need the rest. You can come early tomorrow if you want." Hotch answered Morgan.

Rossi walked to Morgan and put his hand on his shoulder. "Let's go. There's nothing we can do here."

Morgan looked to Rossi beside him and grumbled in annoyance. He then looked at Garcia who is standing beside Reid. "How about you, Baby Girl? I know you want to stay here."

Garcia looked at Morgan after he asked her the question. Her bloodshot eyes, clearly from crying for her friend, stared at her friend. "Of course I want to stay here with my cupcake, but I also know that we can't do anything by sitting around here. And I know that if Jayje knew that we exhausted ourselves here worrying about her, she'll just blame herself more than she already has."

Morgan then sighed in surrender walked away to go home. The rest of the team followed him went their own way home. Emily stayed behind for a bit to say something to Hotch, "I should be the one to stay, Hotch."

Hotch stared at Emily's eyes. He contemplated on what to do on this situation. He knew that Emily needed rest because of the past exhausting day, but he knew that both of them needed to talk to JJ. "Okay. Both of us will stay. They said earlier that two people can stay inside the room. Plus, I know that both of you need each other right now." He said to Emily.

Emily's eyes brightened a bit after she heard what Hotch decided. "Thanks Hotch." She replied to him. "Wait, you lied to Morgan?" She asked Hotch after what she heard.

Hotch just replied. "I did what I needed to do."

After sitting down waiting restlessly, the doctor who tended to JJ went out of her room and walked to them. "Miss Jareau is awake and stable. You can talk to her for a bit, maybe for just 10 minutes. She needs her rest." The doctor said to both of them.

After saying their thanks, Hotch and Emily went inside JJ's room, anxious for their friend.

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See you next time! :D


	9. Chapter 9: Telling the Truth

**Chapter 9 – Telling the truth**

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 **Author's Note:** Hello guys! I have good news and a bad news. Good news is I think there's only a chapter left in this story! The bad news is, I don't think I can update next week. I have training for my job next week and I'll be out of town next, next week. So I think maybe three weeks from now for the final chapter? I hope so. Anyway, enjoy guys!

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"The truth may hurt for a while, but a lie hurts forever."

-Unknown

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When Hotch and Emily entered the ICU, they saw a nurse checking the machines of their friend. The nurse noticed their presence and crouched a bit to whisper something to, what it looks like, a sleeping JJ, "Miss Jareau, your friends are here." She then straightened and turned to look at the two agents, "I was just checking Miss Jareau's IV. I'll be leaving." She gently said to them.

After the nurse left the room, the two of them turned to look at their blond haired friend. When they saw that she was looking straight at them, Emily went and sat on the chair beside JJ's bed. "Hey Jayje... How are you feeling?" Emily asked JJ as she securely held her friend's hand.

JJ crooked her mouth into a smile as she saw her best friend beside her, "I'm fine Em. Nothing to worry about." She replied.

"Nothing to worry about? We heard the stories of the witnesses inside, they said you offered yourself to be shot by that man!" Emily said back to her.

As Emily said that, she felt a hand on her shoulder. She looked up to its owner and saw Hotch. "Emily, you can ask those questions later. She needs to rest." He said as he felt the growing tension in the room. Emily bit her lip in response as she realized that Hotch was right and she shouldn't put more stress on their friend. She looked back at JJ and said, "Sorry. I didn't mean to push you."

JJ turned to look at something behind Hotch and Emily before focusing back to her friend, "N-no. It's alright. I'm sorry for what happened back there. I don't know how I can explain myself why I did it, but I did."

"Okay." Emily answered back to her with a gentle squeeze on JJ's hand, as if she understood what JJ is undergoing.

"Um, did you hear the details of your operation from the doctor?" Emily asked JJ.

"Yes." She replied immediately.

"Including th-"Emily started to reply when she was suddenly cut down. "Yes." JJ answered again.

JJ stared at Emily, then at Hotch beside her. Her eyes widened when she saw a hint of recognition from Hotch, "Did Emily tell you?" She asked Hotch.

Emily's jaw clenched when JJ asked Hotch about the very question that she was afraid to come out of her friend's mouth. When Hotch said yes, she almost wanted to shrink in disgust with herself, that she was unable to keep such a simple promise to JJ that she won't tell anyone else about it.

When JJ heard the positive reply from Hotch, she looked at Emily and saw guilt in her friend's eyes. "It's alright. It was bound to happen anyway." She said to Emily together with a soft squeeze with her hand as if to say that her friend was forgiven if she did anything wrong.

Hotch was about to say something to JJ when the room's door opened. They all turned to look at the person who opened it and saw JJ's doctor. "Your ten minutes are up. Go home and come back tomorrow. Our patient needs the rest and I know both of you need it too." Emily turned to look back at JJ and said, "Well, see you tomorrow. The team sends their hugs." She winked at JJ. After a bit of a chuckle, she replied, "See you tomorrow, you too Hotch." After a nod from her boss, they left the room leaving JJ in the dark room full of machines beside her. Or so they thought.

Just behind the chair where Emily sat, JJ stared at the man leaning against the far wall of the room. After her friends left, her eyes immediately locked to the one person that she wants out of her mind.

"So, Jennifer. I see that we are alone now. I can accompany you through the night if you want?" Tivon Askari, the man leaning in the wall said.

"Why are you still here?" JJ whispered harshly after she closed her eyes shut in prayer that the man haunting her would leave.

"Why you ask? I already told you. I'll have a front row seat watching you kill yourself." Askari laughing said back to her. "Too bad though, you're still alive. But, are you really?" He added, accompanied with a cold blooded laugh.

"No. I-I did that because it was necessary." JJ stuttered in reply, scared that what he said was the truth.

"No. You did it because you wanted it. You wanted to di-" Askari said before he was cut in reply.

"NO! I didn't want to die." She said in denial. "Especially now." She added as she opened her eyes to stare down her ghost.

The man in front of her suddenly dissipated when the door of her room opened. A nurse poked her head out and asked her, "Is everything alright? I think I heard something from this room."

"N-no, everything's fine. Thank you for your concern." JJ immediately said back to the nurse.

"Alright. Well, you should sleep now Miss Jareau." The nurse replied after.

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The next morning came and JJ was moved down from the ICU to a private room due to the blonde's continuous recovery. The whole team came and was very ecstatic about their teammate.

"Jayje! I'm so glad you're alright!" Garcia shouted out loud after she saw JJ sitting down in bed with an unfinished jelly in hand.

"I know you're excited baby girl, but our JJ here needs some space." Derek Morgan said to their technical analyst as he smirked towards JJ.

"Hey guys, thanks for coming." JJ happily said to her team, after seeing them all again after the incident.

"Anything for you cupcake!" Garcia said back to her friend after sitting down next to her.

"So, might I say congrats to our JJ?" Morgan said as he went beside Garcia to talk to JJ.

"Oh my! That's right! You're pregnant! And you didn't even tell us!" Garcia immediately said after she heard what Morgan said to JJ.

JJ shifted her eyes to the two persons standing near the back of the room, Emily and Hotch. After seeing the crooked smile of Emily and a small nod from Hotch, she decided that it's time to tell the team about the whole story behind her backstop to Afghanistan.

"Um guys, I need to tell you something for a bit before anything else." JJ said to the team, silencing them down. Seeing the seriousness of JJ's eyes, the rest of the team went quiet and waited for JJ to start.

After looking at each member of the team, she started, "As you all know, my transfer back in 2010 was a backstop. I got assigned to an information hunt for Osama Bin Laden. Together with Strauss, Hastings, Matt, and Askari. I think all of you already read all of the files regarding to this assignment, and I think you all knew how it all ended." Seeing everyone nod, she continued, "But not all that happened back then was written down in reports. Before the Emily incident, I found out that I was pregnant." When I finally said that, a couple of gasps were heard from the group. "We were bombed by an IED, and I mi-miscarried."

JJ was suddenly embraced carefully by Penelope after she ended her story. She heard someone said from behind, "You don't have to say anything anymore. We understand." Rossi said with understanding. After squeezing back from Garcia's hug, JJ separated herself from her and said, "Thanks guys, for being here."

A knock on the door startled the whole team from their talk. A nurse appeared on the door and said, "Miss Jareau, your husband and son are here to see you."

"We'll see you later JJ." The group said to her after the nurse told them about Will and Henry's arrival.

After the team left, her two favourite boys entered the room, the smaller one running towards her mom. "Mommy!" he said as he latched himself onto her mother.

"Henry, what did I tell you before entering the room? I told you, your mom's hurt and she needs space for a bit." Will said to his son as he saw him running towards his mother.

"Sorry mommy. Did I hurt you..?" Henry immediately let go of JJ and bowed his head in embarrassment.

"Of course not, Henry. You can sit here beside me in you want. Just be careful, okay?" JJ gently said to her son.

"So, are you ok?" Will asked JJ after sitting down on the chair beside JJ's bed. He held her hand firmly as if scared that JJ will suddenly go somewhere if he didn't.

"I'm fine Will. Just a scratch." She answered back to him.

"Will, I need to tell you something first before we start talking. Can you get Henry to Garcia?" She asked him as she stared directly to the eyes of her husband. Will stood up and said to Henry, "Hey buddy, want to get your Aunt Penelope to get you some snacks?" after seeing his son nod happily, he carried him out of the room and told Garcia outside about it.

Entering back to the room, he saw JJ crooked a ghost of a smile before telling him to sit down in the chair beside her. "Will, I get that you know that I was keeping something from you every since that time when I was transferred from the BAU back then. I think it's time that I tell you all about it now."

"But why after all this time?" He asked after a few seconds of silence.

"You'll know after I finish." She answered back.

JJ started narrating the same story she told the whole team earlier, but unlike what she had anticipated that Will would do, he embraced her and thanked her for telling him, even after all this time. She thought that he will be angry and will want to leave her for not telling him something important as this. Tears streamed down her face when he told her that he was sorry that she was carrying all of this alone. He also cried with her for mourning for his child that never knew.

After a while, both of their tears dried out and JJ broke the silence when she said, "I need to tell you something more." Not waiting for a reply, she continued, "Matt made our baby a grave at a cemetery, he said that it's something to remember her by. I want to go back there again with you." Will immediately agreed and embraced her carefully in reply.

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Any comments, suggestions and reviews are welcome guys! Anyway, I'm starting a new story entitled, "Our Story". It's an AU high school fic with Emily and JJ as lead characters. I hope you guys also read it! Thanks!


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